Monday, September 10, 2012

DC Drivers

DC drivers are the pits.

That is why we try our darndest not to ever have to drive anywhere.

I was driving up the road to pick up a parking pass for my dad last Friday, and I lightly tapped my horn at a black trailblazer that cut me off right next to the National Cathedral. Ok ok fine. "Lightly tapped" isn't really accurate. It was more like I leaned my entire bodyweight into the steering wheel and didn't move for 3.5 seconds. If you count 3.5 seconds out loud and imagine a horn blowing for that long, it actually is quite a lengthy thing.

I was trying to get my point across! He almost crunched into my left front wheel! And it really wouldn't take more than a ding to total my lovely, cherished, faithful Jeep. Read: 12 years old and everything rattles.

Fall 2003.  I put my UVA bumper sticker on my car the day I found out I had been accepted.
The Jeep was in way better shape back then. 

Well, Mr. Black Trailblazer was none to thrilled with me. And he let me know that by what I at first thought was a friendly wave. It was NOT a friendly wave. It was more like he stuck three fingers in the air and asked me to read between the lines.

Gassssp! Oh. My. Stars. How. Dare. He.

He cut me off. Not visa versa! I spent the rest of my drive there and back home brooding over that guy. The nerve. The audacity. Who does he think he is?

Fast forward about 3 hours later and I am outside my house standing in a parking spot on the street. I had just gotten off the phone with my dad who was 45 seconds away, and I had dashed outside to save a spot that had just opened up a mere 30 feet from our front door. A lot of people think parking in Georgetown is a pain in the arse, but honestly, we have never had any trouble. I think the problem is that everything is zoned so if you don't live here, you have to move your car every two hours. Annnnd maybe on a Friday afternoon at 6:30pm the parking is a bit more sparse, hence why I was standing in a parking spot to save it for my dad.

Now, I realize that there aren't any written rules about "Saving A Parking Spot With Your Own Body." But at least with my body there, it affords the time to have a short conversation with the driver who pulls up and wants to take the parking spot. The driver will most likely say:

"You can't save a parking spot with your own body."

And I will say:

"You know what, you are right."

And that little roadside chit-chat will last just long enough for my dad to roll up. I point to his car and say "Oh, there he is! That's my dad, he's in-town visiting, I would really like it if he could park here." And the driver is accommodating and goes on his merry way.

.....And then I wake up from my dream of being in Dallas, TX. Where the people are FRIENDLY.

Aint so in the District.

What really happened as I was standing in the parking spot right outside my house is that Pyscho Driver Woman pulled up, and in a blink of the eye was reversing into the spot.

Where I was standing.

My body was there.

In the spot.


I stood there for as long as I could without getting run over. Honestly, had I not moved, she would have been charged with manslaughter!

Of course I moved. And the funny thing is, maybe her actions would have made sense had she not seen me standing there, but I know she saw me because we made eye contact right before she threw it into reverse.

Inexplainable. I was too dumbfounded to say anything to her, but I also need to grow a backbone. People can't just run over people. I wish I had said something. Instead, I just stood on the sidewalk and gave her my dagger eyes.

Like that. Only mean.

She barely acknowledged anything from what I can tell -- too busy on her iPhone, she was.

I brooded and brooded and brooded for the next 10 seconds and then my dad drove up. Cheerful as a sunny day, he was.

Talking like Yoda, I will.

He parked around the corner and walked to our front door just in time for me to tell him the HORROR of what I had just been through. These people! Who do they think they are! I mean, I was standing there, just standing there, and she would have just run me over! Can you believe that? Oh my gosssh!

Meanwhile, my dad really had no qualms whatsoever about having to park around the corner and walk down the block. He told me that there are bigger fish to fry in the world. Well, actually, he really didn't say anything at all, but just chuckled about it and shrugged it off. But I got the point. Bigger fish to fry.

It dawned on me that these two driving incidents were SO MUCH bigger in my pea brain than they really were in real life. Yes, I got thrown the bird, and yes, maybe I would have been hit by Psycho Parking Lady (I doubt she would have actually gone through with it), but what made these incidents so HUGE in my mind was that I wouldn't let them go. I mulled them over and over. I was thinking such horrible thoughts about each of those drivers that I can't print them here. I was being plain mean. And I was being 100% selfish and only worrying about me, myself and I.

Eeeek. What a wreck I am (pun intended). I need to take a chill pill and remember that the world doesn't revolve around me. I also think I should learn from my dad who likes to eat ice cream in the morning with his pancakes and not worry what people think about that.

I tell no lies.

My dad, Michael and I ended up having a wonderful dinner at my absolute favorite Italian restaurant in DC, which is nice because it's within walking distance of our humble abode. Wooo! No more DC driver crazies for the night, and no more menacing thoughts coming from yours truly.


  1. If it's any comfort, DC driving WILL teach you to drive like a pro in the streets of Italy. After navigating street parking and city driving on Capitol Hill, it ain't no thang to start screaming up cobblestone streets, around corners with a centimeter (a CENTIMETER) to spare on either side of your car, passing on a road intended for one horse carriage, and backing into your garage which is roughly 6 inches wider than your car on either side. If you want to move to Italy, start by driving in DC!

  2. HAHAH I LOVE THIS, BECCA! I may just have to follow in your footsteps and try out driving in Italy one of these days :)

  3. Come visit anytime. :-) (I really mean that!)

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  5. It was good to read this after my own issues with drivers lately (mainly almost being ran over every. single. time. i run)but hey i'm still alive so there's that haha!

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