Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Walnuts and Smiles

Some observations --

1) Jeep Cherokees run better on a full tank of gas.
2) Muffin tops bake well at 325 degrees for 13-14 minutes.
3) Little children love big trucks. They stare and point and everything stops when one rumbles by.
4) N'Sync's acapella version of "Oh Holy Night" is not good.
5) Calling a friend while driving past Reagan Airport will almost inevitably result in a dropped call.
6) Shelling a walnut with your bear fingers will undoubtedly result in puke brown stains under your nails for weeks.*
7) Pedestrians do funny things to make themselves look nonchalant while crossing the street in front of a line of cars.
8) People look weird when they give you their "mad face" if you accidentally cut them off in traffic. It's probably best just to smile.**
9) You actually get tanner when you wear sunscreen. Go figure.

*We have a walnut tree in front of our home. From October to mid December, the walnuts drop. Sounds like bombs. Non-stop. It's best when it's windy out. You seriously begin to think that the tree is mass producing walnuts: as quickly as they fall, the tree recreates just as many to fall again with even more ooomph. One day, upon arriving home from work, two kind-faced, Asian people were filling their plastic grocery bags with walnuts. "So you can really eat them??" I felt shy. I should have pondered aloud, but these two sojourners were serious about their walnuts and I didn't want to interfere. I did feel a bit awkward (torpe en espanol, FYI....Michael and I practiced Spanish this weekend) when I had to literally jingle my keys, kind of like in the movie Hitch when you learn to jingle your keys as a means of stalling outside your door to get that kiss, except in this case I was jingling my keys so that I could actually reach my door in the first place. The collectors seemed to have hit the jackpot right in front of our house - I guess I was invisible to them. Anyway, after making it inside and depositing my purse and briefcase Longchamp totally girly bookbag, I got the inspired idea to crack open one of the walnut shells myself and go for the gold.

Human Error #1 - presuming I can do things sans proper equipment.
Human Error #2 - realizing that it's trickier than one may think to get into an unshelled walnut, yet not stopping my pursuit.
Human Error #3 - deciding not to immediately wash my hands after the walnut oozed browny-yellowy pukey colored dye all over my fingers because I wanted to show my hubby the results of my attempt at being adventurously curious.

Pride goeth before the fall.

Brown puke stains under my nails for weeks.

**My brother taught me this trick way back in high school. He had the car, and I was his charge. His one duty: to deliver me in one piece and ON TIME to school every morning. The one hitch was that Chris had chronic trouble doing anything at all in the morning, let alone being on time to drop his little sister off at school. The result? Chris would gun his massive Tahoe down Hanover to Preston Road, cutting off anyone in his way. Everyone got so mad. The maddest were the moms driving carpool. They would give him seriously the most evil "I can't believe you did that, you don't deserve to have your license, where is your mother, who taught you to drive, I curse you" look in the book. And what would Chris do? He would roll down his window, flash a nice smile, and wave. Ohhh I would laugh so hard. I would try my hardest to be mad like the moms and try to reinforce the point that we should leave for school earlier than we do, but I could never hold it in. Oh I would laugh so hard.

This seems to be the only picture of the trusty green Tahoe I can find. This was taken before we plunged into Death Valley, California while driving home to Texas after Chris graduated from college.

By the way, this is the song that was probably playing 9 times out of 10 when Chris drove me to school every morning. Throwback to my-brother-loves-punk-so-I-do-too stage. Love. 


  1. Love love. Youre a hoot. I like how "Christ" graduated from college:)

  2. I'm offended by your N'Sync comment.